is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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