Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
