wrigley field is MILF paradise
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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