the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
