we're chasing vodka with high fives
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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