If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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