Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
