i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
