thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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