Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
