Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
