My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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