sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
