the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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