Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
