Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
