I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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