haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
