So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
