Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
