just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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