Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize