When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
