I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
