like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
