just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
