We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
