just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
