I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
