apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
