What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
