Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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