What did we do last night that was yellow?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
