I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
