I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
