genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
