She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
