my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
