If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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