I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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