Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
