I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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