I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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