you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
As shirtless as possible
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
