i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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