last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
