it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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