On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
