Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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