Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
