I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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