Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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