I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
