If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
