i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
