Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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