and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
