So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
