Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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