break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
