just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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