I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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