Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And then he peed in my hair
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