i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
