Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
