yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
