Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
