I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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