Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do vagina's smell?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
