Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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