I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize