How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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