it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
