Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
