It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't deserve a penis
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
