I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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