____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
