I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
